Don't laugh to hide your pain, laugh to get over the pain.

Have i ever came across your mind? Did you ever know how i feel when i see you with a bunch of girls? Do you know how much i became nervous when i walked with you back home? Did you know that when i see the bright stars above, they remind me of you? Did you know how much you made me change when i first fell in love with you? Did you know how scared i was when i was being forced to tell who i love? Did you know how excited i was when someone shouts your name? You don't, don't you? But still, its ok. I'll stay strong, and i believe that you'll know it.... someday.

Hello guys. Im not as enthu as before, so do pardon me. I've been thinking about him since morning &&, i feel more upset and hurt... somehow. Sometimes i ask myself, am i liking him to hurt myself? I somehow guess that i cant accept reality anymore. Cause, i can only think of hell. I just... can't stop making myself hurt. And the worse thing is, i dont even know why i'm hurt. Perharps, i should just move on. 'Cause i just cry when i think about him. I can't control my tears at times, and i just cry silently. And people have been asking me, ''Are you okay?'', when i just say i'm ok when i'm not. I told myself, cry for a miserable today, smile for a better tomorrow. But as for me, everyday seems miserable. I'm like a pathetic bitch. Not that i want people to worry about me, or just capture other people's attention, just that i really can't control my tears. And, my definition of tears is: Tears are words the heart can't explain. I put myself in other people's shoes, and prople just can't put themselves into mine! And the best thing is, there're my goodfriends out there. I'm really tired of faking smiles all the time. Faking a smile means i'm someone fake. I couldn't smile over the slightest thing today. I just had to fake a smile all the way, while people just dont understand my story & feelings. I don't believe in true friends anymore, because they will backstab you one day. They will not trust you, when you think they trust you. They fake out stories to make people hate you, & at the same time always at your side telling you it's ok. It's totally two different sides altogether! If you don't want to be my friend, just voice out. I really don't want to have fake friends who just fake out their friendships. And, i don't want to divulge personal secrets to fakers. I'm really tired of living. ☹

So, just came back from church & lunch. Had a very full lunch in jp, and went home. Have been really emo about a few things, so please i need to cool down. I'm really tired of these games that are constantly filled with cheats. I've had enough already! This just makes me sicker and sicker. I'm already weak enough, not able to differenciate who's a real or fake friend. I'm a totally useless bitch. I'm also getting physically unwell. So, you guys happy already? All the fakers out there must be a lot happier in their life. Like yeah, life without a bitch, better life. Yeah ok, im a stupid fucking bitch. I dont even know why i did to you. And yet you do this to me. For the past few hours, my facial expression never changed. My heart is constantly acheing, and my mind is filled with him. If you dont know me or dont understand me, please. Just fuck off can? Kthxbai.